It’s no secret to anyone who knows me well enough that I’ve been having an incredibly difficult year. While I won’t go into the finer details of the entire situation, I will say that I have a long and difficult road ahead of me and I know that the only thing holding me back is myself, and that is something that needs to change quickly.
To begin with, my grandmother died in January. She was a lifelong smoker and after discovering something in her lung, and heavy pressure from her kids and grandkids, she decided to have it removed. Unfortunately, she never recovered and didn’t even make it out of the hospital. She survived on a respirator for about two and a half weeks, but after no improvement and basically being pronounced brain-dead, the family made the difficult decision to take her off the respirator. After my wife and my mom, my grandma was the most important woman in the world to me. She practically helped raise me and it’s no secret that I was her favorite grandkid. I don’t say that to be arrogant, or to make anyone feel bad. It’s just the way it is. That’s how close we were. And although she had many faults, in my mind she could do very little wrong. I always gave her the benefit of the doubt in that many of those faults were just a product of the environment in which she was raised and her turbulent relationship with my grandpa.
The rest of it can all be filed under ‘W’ for ‘What the fuck was wrong with me?’ These issues are slowly getting resolved, but as I said, I need to do better. I need to be more focused on what I need to do to correct mistakes and get back on the right track. Here’s to it.
